It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
