I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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