all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
