At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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