I think I am morally bankrupt
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
