so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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