After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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