im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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