I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I supernannyed him into submission
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
