apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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