So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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