Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
im six kinds of drunk right now
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize