marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
