Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
