Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
