I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize