so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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