i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
