dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
