wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
