i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
