Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
