Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
