He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
