He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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