Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
