i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
