I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize