I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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