i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
