whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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