Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
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