If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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