we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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