Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
my being single is dangerous.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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