I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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