I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
