handjob tips. give me some.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
