found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
