I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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