I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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