did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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