one might say we're banned from that church
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
