And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
