You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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