College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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