it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
