Only a mothe r could love this liver
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
