I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
