I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
