he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
