I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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