I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
