does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
