i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Someone signed my nipple.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
