Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
