i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
