i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
