your room smells of hookers.
And success
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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