your thong is hanging out like whoa
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
