Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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