guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
