Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
