The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
