We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
