I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
