i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
