After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I could fuck to npr.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
