her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
