It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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