Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
this just has baby written all over it
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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