Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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