i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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