Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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