Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
