I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
