i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
