actually, I'm a sock model
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
