You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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