i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
