mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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