My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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