There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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