So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
