I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
