so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
