The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
