I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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