Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
