If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
