it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
