How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
