I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
