Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
