Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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