I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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