me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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