me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
