I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
