just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
