She announced her abortion via fbk
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
