I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
3 2 1 whiskey
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
