hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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