My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
how does that bad decision feel?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
