tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
