I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
