I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize