You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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