my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
