I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
50% drunk capacity currently
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
