ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
