I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
