Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
