The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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