i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
