At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
