Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize