how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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